never play flip cup with pint glasses
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
