I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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