ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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