What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
