the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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