im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
