you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
