i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
