Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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