I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
