I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
