no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize