hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
