i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
