so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
