I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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