im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
