the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
