i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
