hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
