wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
