Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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