I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
