I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
