I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
