I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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