Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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