if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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