I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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