I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
