He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My breath smells like gin and sadness
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
