The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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