as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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