in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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