my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
