I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My penis needs a shock collar
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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