Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he thought i was a dude.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
