You're so nebulous sometimes
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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