it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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