he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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