I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
