I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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