What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
