i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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