He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize