just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
