S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
