My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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