i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
