I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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