when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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