there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
