Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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