Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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