There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
