Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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