Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
