he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize