I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
