I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
