how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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