i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
