That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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