im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
