Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
