she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
