Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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