His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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