Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
