you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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