So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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