forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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