pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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