You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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