it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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