You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
