how can u be prego again
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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