I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
