Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
ugly people sure do ruin things
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
