: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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