so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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