I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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