My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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