We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
