I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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