JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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