i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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