i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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