Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
