So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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