okay pat passed out under dana's car
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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