Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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