he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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