That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize