oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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