i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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